People pleasing pleases who? Not you.

Do you find yourself saying YES to people then regretting it instantly? I am sure we can all agree that we say YES to please that person prior to taking a moment to consider what’s best for you.

Do you have time on your calendar to devote to that event?

Do you have the mindset or mental capacity to show up present without anxiety or stress that something else is requiring your time.

Typically, if we say yes it is because we care about that person or the actual event, otherwise, our first response would be let me check my calendar and responsibilities before committing.

Many of us have been trained to please others before ourselves. It we didn’t we are considered selfish. Over the years, we have all taken on more roles and responsibilities but do not have additional hours in the day to execute. This expectation of ourselves has led us to be unhappy, anxious, and frustrated. We fear disappointing others or FOMO. I recall for years, I said yes to every event, trip, meeting, and call to action. I wanted to be seen, heard, and acknowledged. I wanted to boost my network, company and ego. I also wanted to appear picture perfect. This mindset caused me to lose sleep, focus, and progress.

Recently, I have learned to say NO and put my time as priority. How do I do this and not feel guilty? I do the following.

1. When asked to meet or get together, I get clear on the WHY and desired outcome. I also confirm time needed to ensure I have ample time with the right mindset. If i have a deadline or another pressing issue, I say no and ask to schedule at a later time.
2. Setting work and personal hours to better serve my life.
3. Professionally, I try to confirm or hammer our details via an email or slack discussion to avoid the meeting completely.
4. Personally, I have found smaller quality gatherings are much better than the large groups. I do like the large groups because you get to see everyone but I have found that you don’t really get to connect with those individuals. I scheduled two - three dinners with my closest friends monthly. I also attend one gathering to show face.
5. Holidays can be tough and exhausting. I simply communicate my need for peace and celebration. I try to determine how and where I can spend my time without exhausting myself.
6. Taking control my health and need for rest. I have recently said no without explanation. I find it freeing and best for my mental capacity.

Pleasing people will leave you exhausted, resentful, and not appreciated. Consider how you can determine the right communication style for you to say NO in the future. PLEASE.

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